Wednesday, 1 May 2013

The Writer's Voice

Query

For as long as she can remember, sixteen-year-old Quinn Hardwick has been dreaming of England. So when the opportunity to visit London with the school band comes up, Quinn will do anything to go – including working at Tudor Tymes, a cheesy medieval-themed restaurant, to earn the money for her plane ticket.

Buckingham Palace is finally in her sights and everything is falling into place. At least until Wesley Boyle – amateur magician and former childhood friend – is hired to work with her. 

Five years have passed since Quinn last saw Wesley, but she hasn’t forgiven him for ruining her life. His big mouth is the reason her parents are divorced. And without her mom to keep him in line, her dad’s gambling addiction has spun out of control.

Quinn is infuriated that Wesley has weaseled his way is back into her life – including joining band and hijacking her trip to London: a trip that she is no longer going on because her dad needs help paying off his bookie.

Her savings account depleted and her dream dashed, Quinn decides to focus on the root of all her problems:  Wesley Boyle. If she can just get him fired, she is certain some balance will be restored in her universe. But getting back at him isn’t as easy as she anticipates, especially when she starts to fall for him. Now, Quinn is forced to choose between righting a wrong or letting go of the past and following her heart. 

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW is a 50,000 word Contemporary YA novel.



Chapter One

King Henry VIII won’t shut up.

He’s been talking at me for the past five minutes, even though it should be clear from the platters of food I’m holding that I’m on my way to a table. My arms are starting to ache from trying to keep the heavy silver trays balanced - each one is weighted down with a rapidly cooling turkey leg, tiny potatoes and butter-glazed carrots, long green stems still attached. All of which our customers are invited to enjoy with their fingers instead of silverware, because knives and forks weren’t used in the fifteenth century. At least not in King Henry’s court.

Tudor Tymes management insists we hold true to the little details, even though it means we go through, like, five thousand paper napkins a night. Somehow the fact that paper napkins didn’t actually exist in the Middle Ages was overlooked.

“Anne. Everyone always blames me for what happened to Anne,” King Henry – aka Alan Rickles, retired weatherman/local dinner theatre actor – says, shaking his head sorrowfully.  “That’s all anyone remembers me for.” 

Of course that’s what we remember him for. Henry had two of his wives beheaded. Not something people easily forget, even five hundred years later.

“What about all the good I did for England?”  Alan strokes his thick brown beard. I’m convinced it’s the reason he got the gig in the first place. That and the thirty extra pounds he gained for the role.



31 comments:

  1. YA set in London? YES PLEASE. Also, favorite first sentence so far. Just perfect.

    Good luck!

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  2. Tudor Tymes- yessss! Medieval Times is one of my favorite restaurants in the entire world! I'm totally a nerd like that, and I would totally keep reading. :) good luck!

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  3. Love it! Good luck to you!

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  4. You really surprised me with the first line. Definitely caught my attention. Good luck with the contest!

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  5. I literally laughed at the Tudor Tymes name - great choice.

    Good job with the pitch, and love the first line. Good luck!

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  6. I LOVE this! Everything from the MC's motivations to the rivalry between her and Wesley to the place she works. I'd definitely keep reading. This is so much fun!

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  7. HA! Such a great first line! Good luck!

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  8. This sounds like a winner! And a favorite for best first line.

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  9. Great premise and terrific first line.

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  10. I love this! The first line alone is enough to keep me reading. And the voice is spot-on. Good luck to you!! :)

    The only thing that tripped me up was in the query, when you said that Wesley was an "amateur magician and former childhood friend." This made them sound much older than 16 to me, & I had to re-read the query a couple of times to make sure I was understanding it correctly.

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  11. I love the voice in the 250. This seems like a really fun read. Good luck!

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  12. The voice! THE VOICE! I need to read more of this, oh my God. Luck to you, because this NEEDS to be picked up.

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  13. Can I book a reservation for Tudor Tymes?? Sounds like a lot of fun! :D

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  14. Totally sold. Book me a reservation for now, because I want to keep reading!!! Absolutely LOVE Henry VIII. So know actors like that! And I love Quinn's voice. GOOD LUCK!!! I have nothing else to say. If I were and agent, I'd request the full because anything that starts out with turkey legs and a whining Henry VIII is bound to be full of awesomesauce!

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  15. Cute! Sounds like fun read. Good luck!

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  16. Loved the query and the first 250 sucked me in. Good luck!!

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  17. Thanks to each of you for the kind comments! Jenn

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  18. Great first line!!! Good Luck!

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  19. What a fantastic premise! Loved your first 250! I'd definitely keep reading.

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  20. Waving from the contest linky list. I'm all over the cheesy English restaurant. You cracked up me. Fun with a capital F. Best of luck in the contest.

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  21. This is great, I love it, and this is definitely something I'd love to read more of! The first line of course really caught my attention!

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  22. I love this setting! What a treasure-trove of characters you have. I came back to read it again today because I liked it so much. Best of luck!
    ~Jill Haugh

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  23. I like revenge stories. :) King Henry made me smile and sucked me right in. Best of luck. :)

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  24. i really love this entry. I read it through, from query to the last word in the first 250, and was seriously upset it ended so soon. The setting is unique and the voice is just fabulous. Good luck with this one, although I'd say, luck is already on your side with such a fabulous piece!

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  25. Your first 250 really drew me in. Sounds clever and like a very fun read! Good luck.

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  26. I love that title (-: And I love the concept (:

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  27. It sounds like a good read. Could you hint more in the query how Wesley broke up her parent's marriage? Is he the same age as the MC? How is it Wesley's fault she can't go to London if she has to pay off her dad's gambling debts? I'd pull in more of the past relationship otherwise it seems odd she'd be attracted to him now. I do like your voice. Good luck!

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  28. Really interested in how Wesley caused her parent's divorce, and I'm a bit in love with Tudor Tymes. Would love to read more :) Good luck to you!

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  29. What a fresh setting to toss an MC into. Good thinking! Her voice is totally working. All the luck.

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  30. I LOVE your first line. This sounds like a really fun read! Best of luck! :)

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  31. Of course I loved the whole concept. Your
    query highlighted unexpected turns the story was
    taking--what no trip to England?--and aroused my interest, especially the revenge angle. Really feel
    for your MC with the gambling dad and divorce.
    What a unique twist on a possible romance!
    Good luck, Caroline

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